I know you want it.
Monday, October 10, 2005
10/10/2005 02:35:00 PM
Hey, its been so long. My computer dunno what has happen to it. Everytime i try to post entry, It got stuck. Everytime. The past few weeks have not been very good for me. There was one period i was damn depressed. Depressed at what i am also not so sure about it myself but one thing i know for sure is that the stress of school work. Exam period always give me the blues. And the prefects thing just doesn't help at all. Just before exams period started that week, the last day i was really not feeling after recess. I feel fainty and felt like throwing up. I can feel the sick there but it won't come out. And during the chinese period i asked yinkhay to open the sick bay for me cos i really need to lie down and rest. In the end i missed the whole two period of chinese and ended up sleeping in the sickbay. Tho, i did rest but the noise outside was so unbearable. So in the end i only slept for less than half hour.

Then the next day was a half day as it was graduation day ( Sept 30 '05). I have been trying to ask the prefects in my class and the head prefect what my duty was and they said they will tell me but even until the day before, no one came and told me anything. I smsed Rafida and great, she doesn't want to reply. Just great huh. Imagine trying to asked somebody something and all you get was days, i mean weeks of ignoration. I was damn pissed off by all the prefects. Really do not understand why i have joined prefects at the first place. I really shouldn't have. Regretted it. Why make myself so miserable when actually i should be enjoying it. I told Patricia my problems i am facing just wanting someone to talk to. Second thing i regretted. Guess what she told me? "Never mind lah.. you also junior (JUNIOR!!) only.. its normal for them to leave you out.." Ok lor, she good, so much for helping. Can't thank her enough for making me feel more miserable than i already am. Then what does she have to say about the sec twos? Why they have everything to do but i was left out? Does that mean they are the seniors and im not? Ok fine, since they chose to do this to me, fine, i don't care anymore. Anymore. Bitch about me for all i care. All of you guys just turns me out. ( I'm not saying about Sharyn, Vanberg and other prefects i always work with. You guys not only did not ignore me, you helped me. Thanks. It helped me relieved some of my problems too by talking to you guys.) I hate the Prefectorial board. Oh and i almost forgot, on that friday, i went to look for Rafida to tell her that i can't do my duty today because i was still recovering from the day before's sickness. And what did she say? "Walao! You tell me now? Where am i suppose to find a replacement for you?" What the hell. Does she even know how to suck it? Like i am suppose to know today i wont be feeling well. I should have asked her how the hell am i suppose to know when i am going to be sick? How i wish my sick will just come out at that time so it can land right on her disgusting face. So much for being a head prefect. Head prefect. Big deal.

And then eveything just doesn't seem to go on well. My mum nags everyday, my computer chooses to disagree with me everytime. Just everything doesn't seem to be right. Then one day after confessing my problems with Shiying, i went to bed crying my heart out. Everything that i am feeling bad about just seem to pour out. Just when i thought crying doens't help anymore, it proved me wrong. Even tho i cried everything out, the pain is still there. Like wounds always leave scars. No matter how i try to forgot all about it, the scar of it will still be there. You may find it stupid to be crying over such baby things, try putting yourself in my shoes.

At that time of point, i felt like giving up. I really felt like giving up. All i needed was some reassurance that evrything will be fine, gonna be ok. But i didn't get it. Why can't just anybody understand? All the people wom i have shared my problems with only make me feel better but the reassurance wasn't there. I always read on teens ended up on suicide because they can't solve their problems. If even before they will think of such silly thing to do, someone just steps out and tell the person everything is going to be ok, that person would be still be alive by now. Does anyone even know how strong this sentence can do to a person? Just a simple sentence can make wonders. It can save a live. So please, please learn. From my own experience onwards, i know how to comfort people. You will ever imagine the strong impact it can do to a person. I just hope everyone who read this can learn to reassure people. Change their lives.
The APPLE
HSS
NP ECH
Choir'03-06
Prefectorial Board'04-06
HeadFirstForHalos'05
Active member of The Breakfast Crew'06
Until recently an active member of Concern Club'07
Good Apples
PSP
The Sims Games
Sabrina
Snoweeeeeee
Digital Camera
McLAREN MERCEDEZ
Unlimited flow of Soba/Sashimi
New pair of covered shoes
New Spectacles
New sports shoes
New clothes
More spongebobs!
New water bottle
Go Thailand
Solve my rubiks
Take up martial arts/Wushu
Learn dancing,
Drama,
Drums,
Guitar
Slim down
AppleIpod
Samsung E900
Her/You
Search for the apple, friends!
Ivy
Yan Ting
Li Wen
Beat
Debbie
Yu Ping
Brian
Mei qi
Mr Tan
Clara
1A02
Spread the message of my apple.

Thanks for the apple!
layout
image: deviantart
fonts: Dafont
codes/design: Fishpear
the rest: promise !