I know you want it.
Monday, March 27, 2006
3/27/2006 08:31:00 PM
Today, when i was walking into the room, anticipating the minute when i will finally see you. I was waiting, ever so excitedly to see you. But when i walked in, the first person i wanted to see was you but you, you showed no sign of recognition. I was so sad. I gave you another chance. I sat in front of you and waited for you to say at least smile. But you didn't. Nothing came from you. Yanting asked me to leave, but i didn't want. I want to stay down there to look at you. I tried delaying the time packing my bag and doing everything i can to stay in the room longer but still i left and you, you still did not even look up. You were too engrossed with the phone you are carrying and the girls surronding you. I felt so wasted because you chose them over me. So i am not comparable to the phone and the other girls?

I left the room with the urge to cry out loud. I even admitted to Yanting that i wanted to cry, but i didn't because i told myself i will not no matter how much i missed you. You are the first person that can ever make me feel the pain in my heart when you did those hurtful things to me. Other people may have made me felt that too but you are different. You won't know why but all my closest friend to me knows. You won't know because you did not even care to know.
I have been making all the hints i can to tell you that i miss the days when we were still talking like old pals, waking up everyday with the motivation to see you, your good mornings and your take cares. I have every reasons to live till the next day just to await for this. You are the reason. I missed those days during our late practices, you asked me to take care when i go home alone. I missed those days when we walked together to the interchange no matter how late it already was. I don't have to take bus from there specifically but i wanted to because walking with you give me the joy.

The long and late practices were long gone and so are you. Initially it was still ok but slowly, you drifted away. I did all i can to bring you back. Just like the north pole of the magnet attracting the south pole of the magnet. I guessed my magnet isn't strong enough. We were never like before, walking to the interchange together, joking and laughing at everything. You no longer give me good mornings no matter how many time i gave you. So near yet so far. I'm just like the balloon, i float up to the sky as high as i can go but eventually, i will burst.

Everytime i see your name appear on my msn, my heart gave a hard punch and new air is pumped into my heart. I feel alive again, being born to a whole new world where i will be with you. But i don't think i will ever have to feeling as strong as before. Everytime i thought of this, i can't help it but cry. Yes, i'm crying now. But i will not cry in front you. I'm a strong person. Just let me have the chance to tear when i'm alone. You will never knowor find out or even feel the pain i'm feeling. It is so intense that i can't breathe.

This eventually reminded me of a time when i felt that you really cared. I don't know if you really did cared but i thought you were. That day when we were having dinner with the chinese teacher, my 'dád' kept teasing me about the sicko in my class and me. I really flared up that day. I walked away angrily. I know that even Yanting didn't know what to do. Then there you were, catching up with me, stood in front of me and checked that i was ok. I can't help it but smiled. That was the time when i really felt like we are one. You knew my temper.And later that night, you apologised to me even though it has got nothing to do with you. This showed that cared. You really cared. Everytime i thought that i have lost you, i thought of this. It gave me life to live again, gave me the reason to live again.

But where are you care and compassion when time goes by? I never felt it again. When i look at you from a distant, i got the urge to go up to you and talk to you. But when you smile at me, i don't feel the same like before. The smile is just, different from before. And where is the time when we waited for each other till very late just to go home together? Especially once when we walked home together alone. Now when i ask you if you wanted to go home together, you just gave me those one word answer, gave me the feeling that you do not want to. Gave me the doubts in your message. I really want you back. Or at least, your old self back. I don't know what happened between it but i hope that one day, anyday you will let me know. I want to share the problems you have. I want to know.
The APPLE
HSS
NP ECH
Choir'03-06
Prefectorial Board'04-06
HeadFirstForHalos'05
Active member of The Breakfast Crew'06
Until recently an active member of Concern Club'07
Good Apples
PSP
The Sims Games
Sabrina
Snoweeeeeee
Digital Camera
McLAREN MERCEDEZ
Unlimited flow of Soba/Sashimi
New pair of covered shoes
New Spectacles
New sports shoes
New clothes
More spongebobs!
New water bottle
Go Thailand
Solve my rubiks
Take up martial arts/Wushu
Learn dancing,
Drama,
Drums,
Guitar
Slim down
AppleIpod
Samsung E900
Her/You
Search for the apple, friends!
Ivy
Yan Ting
Li Wen
Beat
Debbie
Yu Ping
Brian
Mei qi
Mr Tan
Clara
1A02
Spread the message of my apple.

Thanks for the apple!
layout
image: deviantart
fonts: Dafont
codes/design: Fishpear
the rest: promise !