Anyway, a lot's been going through my head over the past few months. To be exact, it's been about 5 months since the problem's been bugging me. Girlfriend and cousin has been telling me to be confrontational (in a good way) and get to the bottom of the problem. But that's not me at all. I'm actually not exactly a very brave person when it comes to matter of the hearts.

Though it was hard, i managed to survive the past 5 months because of the constant support that Girlfriend gave me. Thank you for listening to me vent and comforting me every night when i feel the uncontrollable urge to stab someone in the chest. And it's also, of course, because of you, I've came to realise how God can be so amazing. I don't know how i did it but the months of praying and talking to our HD really gave me the strength to come this far.

Though i really wanna state the problem here, i think it's better i don't. I've been quite an angry child for the past months but everyday God will remind me to keep to my values and He's teaching me to forgive. It's a slow process but i can kind of feel it now. I can't totally forgive yet but i'm getting there. It's because of the complexity of the problem, i was constantly angry last time. But now, it's all slowly going away because it's hard to forget all the wonderful years and wonderful memories we were all part of. At least this is something anger, jealousy or childishness cannot take away. Even till now, i'd still laugh when i think of some of the most random things we did together. I'll keep all these safe and try to forget the fights. I'll slowly move you guys to the back of my heart.

On a happier note, this is also a blessing in disguise. Because all of these, I got even closer to Girlfriend and to the HD. I have to say, my life really did change because of what happened. It's no coincidence that all these happened when i've just legally became an adult. It's really different looking at things from this side of the spectrum. I'm beginning to realise how childish i was back then. I'm still childish now, i'd admit, but i'm trying very hard to change. Maybe that's also one of the reasons why our relationship didn't work out. It does seem like me and all of you share some very different views of matters. I'm actually kind of great things ended the way it did. This would have been much better than if we ended it with shoutings, cryings and what nots. Though the question why would probably never be answered, i shall just leave it as it is.

Also, yesterday i've been asking God when i'll ever be ready for a relationship. It seems like the plan He has for me right now is not a relationship but something more meaningful or important. It's apparent because of the signs i'm receiving. It's either the 'right one' is still somewhere else or it's a punishment i'm receiving for being such a play girl. :/ But i know He's not punishing me. He's just teaching me a lesson of being committed. After-all, i did pray to Him to let me be committed. I'm someone who is terribly afraid of commitments and staying loyal to a partner. Oops, cat's out of the bag. I'm going to try from today, to stay committed when someone who fits the role enters my life. Nevertheless, i'll not stop praying for God is so amazing.

So as the chapter of my life that included all of you closes, another even bigger and exciting chapter opens. Don't be sad because of the outcome but be grateful for what the outcome has taught you.

Goodbye to the last chapters of my teenage life and hello to the more mature adult life. Bring it on, i'm ready, 5 months overdue.